My Top Ten Coolest Parables, Part I

Since last week, I’m down with german measles (tigdas, mga kapatid, tigdas!).  I still am sick but I missed blogging so much (This is all your fault, bluep.  You’ve turn this innocent seminarian into a blogging addict.), I can’t help but at least check my account every now and then.  Since sayang naman ang momentum, I decided na rin to post another countdown and so…

I chose to make a bit about parables today.  And instead of the usual top five, I’m giving you, not six, not seven, not eight but ten! Yes, ten coolest parables thoughtfully provided for us by the most beloved Jew of all time, -No, you despicable heathen! Not Woody Allen…- Jesus Christ!  But wait, there’s more!  You can get all these in an unbelievable offering of two posts!  Yup, I know, it’s lame to divide the ten parables into two posts but, guys, have a heart here.  Come over, hug me for a minute and share my tigdas so you’d know how daunting it is  for someone to write a post especially when his brain feels like it’s on a 24-hour rinse cycle.

Without much ado, my top ten Coolest Parables!  (or at least the first half of it.)

On number ten is the Parable of the Laborers at the Vineyard!  You’ve heard this one.  The master of the vineyard hired laborers at different times of the day and, come evening, everyone gets the same pay.   The morale of the story: get hired late.  No, not that!  What I meant was, we all get the same gift of salvation, not because we’re so gung-ho for it but because God simply felt so.   What made this cool?  Because it’s so “Just for Laughs,”  so “Punk’d,”  so “Wow, Mali!”  The Master of the Vineyard cracked a holy practical joke, cajoling the overly serious among us “Uy, tawa naman dyan!”  And so, our “Yari ka!” with a purpose gets the tenth place.

The Parable of the Talents gets the ninth place on our countdown.    For you non-biblereaders, this is a story of a manager giving large sums of money to three of his management trainees then returns after a year to see how they invested on it.  One ventured on stocks and invested heavily on langka-flavored virgin coconut oil which made it big in the market.  The other used the money to produce an indie film about gay men which reaped awards abroad.  The third one just didn’t bother investing the money because he’s busy blogging how his boss sucks and so he just stashed the money on some place unproductive.  Upon the return of the manager, the two profit-earning management trainees were promoted while the third one was fired after his YouTube post of his boss’s  rendition of Ako si Mister Suave from last year’s office Christmas party leaked out.  Or something to that effect…

On number eight is our favorite agricultural moral lesson, the Parable of the Sower!  In this parable, our protagonist threw seeds all over the place as if it’s his first time to plant at all.  I dare not say that the sower is an adik-adik because, people, this is the best explained parable with Jesus himself elaborating on its allegory.  The sower is more like… a botanical researcher.  Plot A (Roadside) experienced drastic loss of seedlings due to unwarranted avian pests.  Plot B (Stony Ground) exhibited a minimum potential for viability of seedlings due to excessive exposure to elements.  Plot C (With thistles) is replete with other competing vegetation that the phytological imbalance resulted to inferior germination of the seeds.  Plot D (Good Soil, or sabi nung Grade I tayo, “loam”) has the optimum condition for any horticultural prospects so… so… Hoy, Inday, tulungan mo nga muna akong tapusin ang sentence na ito!

Coming strong at number seven is the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican.  These two praying figure is a popular imagery of how to -and how not to- pray.  What’s cool in this parable is that even for a little while, God has imbued us with Mental Telepathy (a la Matt Parker of Heroes) and were able to read the minds of the adult male Jews who were, thankfully, not thinking of anything X-rated at that moment.  Instead, we caught them praying.  Had they been me and you, my beloved reader, it will be a totally different parable, a parable with a lesson on chastity of thoughts.  Whew.  On this parable, it’s a win-win situation for all.  The Pharisee is leading a properous, albeit legalistic, life, the Publican pleased God with his prayers, we get to know how cool it is to read minds and lastly, Jesus was able to make his point.  Happy ending for everyone.

Our number six coolest parable is the Parable of the Ten Virgins!  Just imagine, ten virgins all by themselves at middle of the night.  Hmmm… Ten virgins…  They’re ten… and they’re virgins… Hmmm…  Teka, stop it there!  I may not have the mind-reading skill from the last parable but I can tell that what ever you’re thinking right now, it’s naughty.  Anyway, what’s cool about this parable is that this is the first blond-versus-brunette battle ever recorded in history, or rather, the battle between the smart women and the dumb lasses, where the Janina San Juans of this part of the world were surely eliminated.  You can almost hear Tyra Banks say, “I only have here five photos, the five ladies who will be on the running for the Israel’s Next Top Virgin.”  Truth to tell, I don’t know how smart these five virgins really were because in the end, they all but shared one bridegroom. 

That, kapatid, is one lucky bridegroom.  hhmmm… five virgins…


That’s all for now.  For my next post, you may suggest which other parables should make it to the list.  Who do you think will be on the top five positions? Let’s find out next week on the conclusion of … My Top Ten Coolest Parables!

22 Responses

  1. kahanga hanga at kabigha bighani nang iyong mga kasultan…

    hindi ko lubos akalaing malaki na pala ang iyong pinag bago, lumaki na ang iyong pananaw sa buhay relihiyon at mukhang handa kana sa iyong hinaharap na kinabukasan!

    sanay maka basa pa ako ng mga pang sarili mong kaalaman at mga kagustuhan sa hinaharap…

    naway sanay sanay nasa mabuti kang kalagayan lagi kaibigan! hanggang sa muling panibagong yugto ng iyong mga kasulatan…

    @ salamat sa iyong papuri, incognito. walang pagdadamot at tunay na nakatataba ng puso para sa baguhang blogger na tulad ko. at kung sino ang katauhang sa likod iyong napiling pangalan ay isang palaisipan sa akin. gayunpaman, hihintayin ko ang muli mong pagdalaw. mwah.

  2. hahaha..ang galing!!…pwede bang isama mo next time yung the parable of the lost sheep..hehehe..=)
    sino kasi ang nagrecruit sau d2 sa blogosphere? ayan na adik ka na din tulad ko=)
    pagaling ka brother utoy…..hugs….=)
    hindi mo na ako mahahawaan dahil my vaccine ako nyan=)..hehe

    @rio, sure, isasama ko ang lost sheep sa next top five. thanks for the hugs! pagaling na ako.

  3. magaling… magaling… magaling..

    sa sobrang ganda, hindi ko tuloy namalayan ng malapit na pala tumulo laway ko… tapos napatapat pa sa number six… whew!!! he he he

    at ‘yong parable of the talents, kahit siguro hindi nagbabasa ng bible maiintindihan ‘yon… lalo na ‘yong Mr. Sauve leaked out..

    kelan ba ang ordinasyon??? cant wait to be there on your first homily….

    partida pa yan ha.. may tigdas yan… pagaling bro…

    @ mang yan, halata bang tulo laway din ako sa number six? three years pa bago ordination, long enough to find a suitable virgin. hehehe… pagaling na ako, kapatid. salamat!

  4. Creatively cathartic to a web-drunk surfer and aimless soul; suave to the sagging spirit like an aged laksoy to the larynx. A mix of imaginative powers of Lolit Solis and J.K. Rowling. Great job, Bro.

    @ AJ, you’ve got a way with words yourself, kapatid. magblog ka na rin. of if you already have one, ex link tayo. thanks for the comment and God bless!

  5. Bro, i enjoy your blog as much as i enjoy the literary silliness of my fave writer Sherman Alexie. You mirror his outrageously amusing, unorthodox strokes in telling stories. Wala pa akong gana mag-blog,Bro. So far, hanggang rebut lang ako sa ating mga kapatid na atheists bloggers (An Easter Letter to a Blogger Priest-Friend @ stephencuyos.com).

    @visit also Bluepanjeet’s blog (you’ll find him sa blogroll ko). you’ll like him. he is one faithful defender of our Faith i would like you to meet. Established na siya sa sa blogosphere for his strongly Catholic themes and he’s the one who suggested a month ago that i should also open a blog.

  6. Bro,i did scan the site you referred before i stumbled on yours.amazing site but quite a challenge for those with bridled eyes…makes me want an empty Cistercian cell in between.But very productive writer no doubt!

  7. hello po! actually super delayed na ito but still, thanks for visiting my site…alam ko chinika sayo ni bluep na may narecruit nanaman sya =) great posts you got here. di man ako sagrado katoliko but i enjoyed reading your stuff..makes it easier to understand yung mga kwentong pinilit ko lang intindihan back in my youcger years….para di maboljak ng mga madre sa school namen…anyway, thanks again.godbless!

    thanks fo dropping by, sushi! recruit din ako ni bluep eh. hehehe… hope to read more of your blogs!

  8. salamat sa pagbisita sa blog ko. i did not stop writing, though. i just moved to another venue.

    god bless.

    novice donnie

    @donnie, salamat din sa pagbisita. i visited your blog again pero di ako makapagpost ng comment. limited lang kasi sa blogspot members. ex link sana tayo, bro.

  9. Bro Utoy, I’m amazed at how you are able to still squeeze these utterly entertaining yet very informative thoughts out of your “tigdas-laden” brain and put them on paper (este, blog about them pala) – you are indeed blessed!

    Get well soon. Iwas lang sa mga buntis, okay?😉 Hehehe!

    truth be told, pinky, i’ve got drafts that i allow to sit for days. tapos, for a countdown, I try to compose one or two candidates in a day until i reach five. atsaka, bakasyon ngayon sa seminaryo, i’ve got all the time to think of a post. hehehe… naku, the secret is now out!
    as for the buntis, they’re safe from contagion. generally kasi, seminarians are told to avoid women. hay, buhay…
    God bless!

  10. hi bro,
    i enjoy reading your blog…. thanks! God bless!

    thanks, NJ!

  11. Naku, Bro Utoy muntik na akong tamaan ng kidlat with your comments on the Parable of the Talents… sabi ko na nga ba eh dapat hindi ako nagbabasa ng blogs sa opisina… di bale hindi naman ako nagpopost ng kahit anung masama tungkol sa king amo – sa I should be okay, I guess.

    Promise, mas entertaining ka pa sa Super Book at Flying House🙂

    @uy, favorite ko rin and Super Book at ang Flying House!

  12. nice blog bro. get well soon!

    thanks, libay. God bless!

  13. i love the parables you listed. alam ko pa stories na yan, might need to read those to my kids.

    @kengkay, just don’t read to them my version. baka maeskandalo sila. hehehe…

  14. dahil naniwala din naman ako sa mga sinabi mo, marami pong salamat sa pag-add sa blogroll mo.

    ahehe i like the parable of the talents…saka yhmm kso ala pa dito..yung sa vineyard.

    ahehehe cge add po kita kuya sa aking roll.

    mapagpalayang gabi.

    [yas]

  15. brother, kala ko ba magaling kana? asan na yung kalahati ng mga parables mo? hehe=)..

  16. Naku Bro. Utoy, Nagkaron din ako nyan noong 2006, ang gamot lang diyan ay ang paglalangoy sa dagat. Pramis epektib! Pasensya ka na kung hindi ako masyado nakakadalaw sa blog mo, medyo busy ako at yung blog ko eh hindi ko na rin masyadong nagagalaw. Pagaling ka kapatid! Sana sa next post mo naman eh yung top ten chicks na crush na crush mo! haha!

    @mix, di kasya ang top ten dyan! hahahaha!

  17. kuyaaaaa!!!
    tag po kita ah!

    hehehe!

  18. bro. utoy! sang-ayon ako kay “Mix”.. hahaha! next post mo ung top ten na crush na crush mo.. hehehe. request lang naman. hahaha! ingat kapatid!🙂

  19. d k po magetz pwede po paghiwahiwalayin nyo ……thank u

  20. thanx for this parables, it helps aot to my sons compilation projects… done your job well, keep it up! God bless and more power…

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