Since last week, I’m down with german measles (tigdas, mga kapatid, tigdas!). I still am sick but I missed blogging so much (This is all your fault, bluep. You’ve turn this innocent seminarian into a blogging addict.), I can’t help but at least check my account every now and then. Since sayang naman ang momentum, I decided na rin to post another countdown and so…
I chose to make a bit about parables today. And instead of the usual top five, I’m giving you, not six, not seven, not eight but ten! Yes, ten coolest parables thoughtfully provided for us by the most beloved Jew of all time, -No, you despicable heathen! Not Woody Allen…- Jesus Christ! But wait, there’s more! You can get all these in an unbelievable offering of two posts! Yup, I know, it’s lame to divide the ten parables into two posts but, guys, have a heart here. Come over, hug me for a minute and share my tigdas so you’d know how daunting it is for someone to write a post especially when his brain feels like it’s on a 24-hour rinse cycle.
Without much ado, my top ten Coolest Parables! (or at least the first half of it.)
On number ten is the Parable of the Laborers at the Vineyard! You’ve heard this one. The master of the vineyard hired laborers at different times of the day and, come evening, everyone gets the same pay. The morale of the story: get hired late. No, not that! What I meant was, we all get the same gift of salvation, not because we’re so gung-ho for it but because God simply felt so. What made this cool? Because it’s so “Just for Laughs,” so “Punk’d,” so “Wow, Mali!” The Master of the Vineyard cracked a holy practical joke, cajoling the overly serious among us “Uy, tawa naman dyan!” And so, our “Yari ka!” with a purpose gets the tenth place.
The Parable of the Talents gets the ninth place on our countdown. For you non-biblereaders, this is a story of a manager giving large sums of money to three of his management trainees then returns after a year to see how they invested on it. One ventured on stocks and invested heavily on langka-flavored virgin coconut oil which made it big in the market. The other used the money to produce an indie film about gay men which reaped awards abroad. The third one just didn’t bother investing the money because he’s busy blogging how his boss sucks and so he just stashed the money on some place unproductive. Upon the return of the manager, the two profit-earning management trainees were promoted while the third one was fired after his YouTube post of his boss’s rendition of Ako si Mister Suave from last year’s office Christmas party leaked out. Or something to that effect…
On number eight is our favorite agricultural moral lesson, the Parable of the Sower! In this parable, our protagonist threw seeds all over the place as if it’s his first time to plant at all. I dare not say that the sower is an adik-adik because, people, this is the best explained parable with Jesus himself elaborating on its allegory. The sower is more like… a botanical researcher. Plot A (Roadside) experienced drastic loss of seedlings due to unwarranted avian pests. Plot B (Stony Ground) exhibited a minimum potential for viability of seedlings due to excessive exposure to elements. Plot C (With thistles) is replete with other competing vegetation that the phytological imbalance resulted to inferior germination of the seeds. Plot D (Good Soil, or sabi nung Grade I tayo, “loam”) has the optimum condition for any horticultural prospects so… so… Hoy, Inday, tulungan mo nga muna akong tapusin ang sentence na ito!
Coming strong at number seven is the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican. These two praying figure is a popular imagery of how to -and how not to- pray. What’s cool in this parable is that even for a little while, God has imbued us with Mental Telepathy (a la Matt Parker of Heroes) and were able to read the minds of the adult male Jews who were, thankfully, not thinking of anything X-rated at that moment. Instead, we caught them praying. Had they been me and you, my beloved reader, it will be a totally different parable, a parable with a lesson on chastity of thoughts. Whew. On this parable, it’s a win-win situation for all. The Pharisee is leading a properous, albeit legalistic, life, the Publican pleased God with his prayers, we get to know how cool it is to read minds and lastly, Jesus was able to make his point. Happy ending for everyone.
Our number six coolest parable is the Parable of the Ten Virgins! Just imagine, ten virgins all by themselves at middle of the night. Hmmm… Ten virgins… They’re ten… and they’re virgins… Hmmm… Teka, stop it there! I may not have the mind-reading skill from the last parable but I can tell that what ever you’re thinking right now, it’s naughty. Anyway, what’s cool about this parable is that this is the first blond-versus-brunette battle ever recorded in history, or rather, the battle between the smart women and the dumb lasses, where the Janina San Juans of this part of the world were surely eliminated. You can almost hear Tyra Banks say, “I only have here five photos, the five ladies who will be on the running for the Israel’s Next Top Virgin.” Truth to tell, I don’t know how smart these five virgins really were because in the end, they all but shared one bridegroom.
That, kapatid, is one lucky bridegroom. hhmmm… five virgins…
That’s all for now. For my next post, you may suggest which other parables should make it to the list. Who do you think will be on the top five positions? Let’s find out next week on the conclusion of … My Top Ten Coolest Parables!