My Top Five Coolest Low-Profile Chicks in the Old Testament

Women.  The popular ones have no substance.  The quiet ones, well, they don’t get to be prom queens.   Still, most “substantial” women I knew may not have a conversation-starting beauty but have definitely made a mark of their own, in an unassuming and silent manner.   Mind you, these women are far from being the girls described in Janis Ian’s song, “Seventeen.”   These self-made goddesses chose to be known for the strength of their character rather than the size of their… uhhmmm… cup.  To them, I dedicate this post (especially to you who accused me of being anti-feminist solely because I came from San Carlos Seminary).

The Gospel of Luke portrays a strongly feminist Jesus which the girls would find endearing.  The rest of the Bible, well, they’re decidedly masculine.  But every now and then, there lights a biblical scene where the day is saved by a female touch.  We’ve known a few, like Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Ruth, Judith, Esther, etc. but on this post, I chose five relatively unknown heroines in the Old Testament who rose to the challenge of their femininity and won for themselves the dignity that they deserve.  I threw in the bible chapter where they can be found so you’ll know I’m not pulling your leg.  Now, without much ado, I present to you my top five coolest Low-Profile Chicks  in the Old Testament.  Yep, I said Chicks.  Sue me.

On our fifth place is occupied by the beguiling Abigail.  Not a slacker on the beauty department, Abigail (1 Samuel 25) had a king on her second marriage, no less than David himself.  Unlike Bathsheba, another wife of David, who charmed him by bathing naked on a garden, Abigail won the heart of this biblical hearthrob with her sense of diplomacy.  When David was but a renegade general in King Saul’s army, he sought refuge not in Oakwood nor in Manila Pen but in Abigail’s house.  Abigail’s first husband, who watches only ESPN and JackTV hasn’t heard of this general and so rejected David’s request.  Abigail, who learned of David through tsismisan sa palengke, knew better so she whipped out her piche-piche and pancit malabon recipe from her top drawer and summoned her maids to cook them as she went in haste to, of all places, a spa/beauty parlor.  David was already peeved enough to destroy the house who refused him hospitality but was immediately appeased when he saw a fully made-up and french-nailed Abigail with her bilaos of kakanin.   Abigail’s husband went into cardiac arrest when he learned who is he dealing with and so the widowed Abigail, with her memorable kakanin and her sexy sense of prudence, was taken as David’s wife.

Our number four slot goes to the courageous Deborah!  Deborah (Judges 4 & 5) was an Israelite housewife and mom who sidelines as a prophetess and songwriter.   Her cool factor lies on the fact that she’s the first and only female judge during the Era of Judges.  This means that not only can she cook a mean lasagna, she also knows how to lead a battle as well.  So well in fact that the general of Israel’s army had her as his adviser and a sort of personal bodyguard.  Deborah means “bee” in Hebrew, a name that fits her perfectly.  As Ricky Martin’s She Bangs aptly puts it:  “She looks like a flower but stings like a bee.”

Our second runner up on our search for the Little Miss Pretty Unknown is Tamar.  For Tamar (Genesis 38), her cool factor lies on the fact that after getting widowed twice, she managed to trick her biyenan, Judah, to have sex with her and so bear him sons.  Her little story of determination and adriotness, just 22 verses long, is replete with scandals:  deception, blackmail, incest, prostitution, unprotected sex with older men, provocative dresses and withdrawal method as contraception.  Tamar’s tale is plain too racy for me to elaborate on my post but interesting enough for you to actually read her story, so go ahead, Google it.  Hmmm… nahiya pa.  Sige na, search mo na!

Up on our number two cool chick is the business-minded Rahab.  Rahab (Joshua 2) is an HRM graduate who decided to open her own breakfast-and-bed at the outskirts of  downtown Jericho.  Such trade for an unmarried lady however wasn’t as dignified as it is today.  You see, when she started accepting male travellers to stay for a night, neighbors called her a babaeng bayaran.  But who can resist Rahab’s little inn, with its cheap rate and rooms with scenic views of the city?  Not even the spies of Joshua, apparently, who rented a suite room at Rahab’s for their stakeouts before the Israelite’s takeover.  The stakeout was soon discovered, but when the mayor of Jericho sent armies to arrest the spies, Rahab had a dose of Stockholm syndrome and went to hid her endangered tenants.  For a price, of course, as Rahab, a true-blue palengkera, struck a bargain with the spies to protect them in return for the safety of her own family.  This deal was honored with a symbolic “red ribbon on the window” scheme and since then, Rahab’s reputation was redeemed and became a respected member of the Israelite community.  Thus, Rahab’s story has the following moral lessons:  Good location defines your business.  Don’t mind the gossips.  Love your customers.  Pray to God often.  And finally, when it comes to the welfare of your family, always strike the best deal.

And now, for our number one coolest low profile chick in the Old Testament.  She is no other than…  Hagar!  Far from that sword-wielding Viking from the Philippine Star’s comic page, Hagar (Genesis 16 & 21) is a certified probinsyana from the south (Egypt, actually) working as a domestic helper in Middle East for the the posh residence of Ser Abraham and Ma’am Sarah.  Hagar’s tale is a classic sob story of housemaids: Nabuntis ni Ser, binugbog ni Ma’am, pinalayas nang walang sweldo.  But our God isn’t blind to Inday Hagar’s sorry plight.  Yahweh saved her and spoke to her.  Twice.  He even blest her and her baby.  Twice.  It’s a privilege not shared by any other women in the Old Testament.  Hagar, a battered tsimay who found favor with Yahweh is a fitting image of redemption for a pinay domestic helper who left her homeland to slave her way in hope of a better life.  Life may be hard for a stranger in a foreign land, but God is always near, always ready to save, always ready to bless.  Inday Hagar, the little atsay that could, is our number one coolest biblical chick that deserves our recognition.

16 Responses

  1. […] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWomen. The popular ones have no substance. The quiet ones, well, they don’t get to be prom queens. Still, most “substantial” women I knew may not have a conversation-starting beauty but have definitely made a mark of their own, … […]

  2. alam mo, bro, grabe nung binasa ko yung kay tamar… HARLOT talaga ha… i have to read it again kasi nakalimutan ko na pero i was once speechless when i read her story kaya di ko makalimutan yang name na Tamar. what about that girl na binuntis ni king david? yung wife ng isa sa mga sundalo nya na sobrang loyal to his duty na pinapatay ni king david? naalala ko lang sya… does she have a name? medyo nakalimutan ko na eh. hehehe!

    btw, i graduated from a chinese school and i have a generic chinese last name but i am not pure chinese.

    another nice piece, bro. keep it going, okay?

    si batsheba yun, ang babaeng naligo ng hubad sa hardin na sinisilipan ni david. siya yung naging nanay ni king solomon. God bless!

  3. sa totoo lang I already forgot these women. its been years since i STUDIED THESE WOMEN. Thank you for posting this. Ireally had fun especially with Tamar and how you described her… Perfect haha.

    Kapatid my hater kana rin dito (the “you”)? welcome to the blogosphere, madaming ganyan dito. masanay ka na. Dito ko nagamit ang pagiging debatista ko haha. Readers will know who is on the wrong side by mere argument alone. kaya don’t fear those haters haha. Wala lang magawa yang mga yan.

    Pax et Bonum

    yup, the “you.” akala ko, atheists ang unang titira sa akin dito. feminista pala ang bu-bwenamano sa akin. salamat na lang at may “unapprove” botton. hahaha!!!

  4. PS. Kapatid baka pwede maglagay ka ng contact page then visible yung email mo. inonominate kita sa top 10 emerging blogs. requirement ang email.

    ha?! di ba nakakahiya? anyway, sige, mamayang hapon, gagawin ko. magsasaing pa ako eh. hehe… salamat ulit, kapatid na bluep!

  5. Ang nakakainis lang kasi kay Inday Hagar,ipinagkaloob pa nga siya ni Sarah kay Abraham para madiligan,siya pa ngayon ang nanghahamak kay Sarah.Nabugbog tuloy.The moral lesson: huwag ipagmamayabang ang pagdadalantao kung hindi ka original…
    Bro Utoy, another masterful contemporary retelling of Biblical figures…lubos lubusin mo na at makagawa ka rin ng kakaibang commentary na patok na patok sa X-GEN!

    salamat, kapatid. uy, kahapon lang, may nabili akong mumurahing anime na comics, entitled Manga Messiah. it’s a popular take on the life of Jesus. ang galing, pang-youth talaga.

  6. It’s not a far-fetched idea being the “Pugad Baboy” of countdowns from the Bible. Nakikita ko lang na problema, yung Imprimatur at Nihil Obstat na yan, lalo na pagdating sa mga juicy parts, hehehe. Kasi religious ka,si Pol Medina hindi, eh.

    kaya nga gusto ko sana, anonymous lang ako. wala akong balak makilala ng Magisterium. hehehe…

  7. just bloghoppin!!!

    hahahahha…such a unique, wonderful,informative and all together entertaining post

    one of a kind. enjoyed them. keep it up

    thank you, malen. you’re too kind.

  8. hrmm… bathsheba. hehe i like what she did.

    subtle ang pagka… hehehe

    even during the biblical times, pagbo-bold can get you somewhere. dalaw-dalaw ulit!

  9. brother i have a question. LOL! (parang nasa classroom lang.) is there any chance that you will be discussing Bible prophecies here? wala lang…. gusto ko lang malaman… hehehe!

    bible prophecies? naku, di ko expertise yun, ifoundme. I’m a skeptic over that kind of biblical interpretation eh. I’ll try to post siguro my schedule of countdowns one of these days para you guys would know what to expect. God bless!

  10. Naman, Bro Utoy, don’t generalize that the popular ones don’t have substance – there are still a handful out there who enjoy the “best of both worlds”, so to speak…😉 Hindi ako feminista ha…bumabalanse lang…

    Love ko ang take mo kay Inday Hagar at ang moral ng kanyang istorya na tugmang-tugma pa rin sa mga OFW sa kasalukuyang panahon: “Life may be hard for a stranger in a foreign land, but God is always near, always ready to save, always ready to bless. ”

    Amen to that!😆 A restful weekend and a blessed week ahead!

    pinkie, i agree with you. you’re popular to us, your blogger friends and you’re definitely a lady of substance. lately lang kasi, parang mas pinahahalagahan ng mundo ang beauty kesa sa puso at utak. Pati kaming mga lalake, biktima rin. dati, diskarte ang sukatan sa amin. ngayon, basta may abs, sikat.

  11. gaya ng dati, napatunganga na naman ako..

    though i just met abigail here, but i already got a pic of her on my mind fully make-up, with all the french-tip nails, at may bilao ng kakanin… siguro naka-mini sya with polka-dots na apron..

    and Tamar… i’ll have to add “hot-chick”… now they can sue us..

    Rahab.. usapang busnes ‘to.., i read this “tik-tik” stories but never appreciate it, till now.. totoo..

    Deborah… hhhmm… just be good with the flowers so they’ll not sting you…

    and of course, i always have my sympathy to Hagar…nga lang medyo nagmalaki kasi, eh pikon si Sarah, kaya tuloy nabugbog… napalayas pa..

    ano kaya sunod na countdown??

    God bless bro.

    I’ll try to post my list of future countdowns one of these days so you guys would know what to expect. Teka, konting trivia lang, alam mo ba na part ng family tree ni Jesus si Rahab at si Tamar? It’s in the beginning of the Gospel of Matthew. God bless!

  12. Bro Utoy, talagang low profile ang mga babaeng ito… parang ngayon ko lang sila narinig.

    Sure ka ba na si Deborah ay isang prophetess and songwriter… isa lang ang kilala ko kasi na Deborah… si Deborah “Debbie” Gibson… songwriter siya.

    Kakaiba si Tamar ha… you actually got me so curious about her… mukhang I need to open the Bible again… is there any saving grace for her… she seems so sinful, from your description.

    I agree that Hagar’s story should be number one… pwedeng-pwede pang pelikula sa atin… hmmm, sino kaya ang pwedeng bumida dito? Mukhang mare-revive ulit ang career ni Ate Guy ha.

    naku, Tamar actually is a good woman. sa standard of morality during her time, medyo legal yung ginawa nya. Kung di kasi siya mabubuntis, she’ll never be recognized as part of Judah’s family. And it produced good results too. alam mo ba, Tamar is part of Jesus’ ancestry? Check the fist chapter of Matthew. She’s in there together with Rahab.
    as for Hagar, gusto ko si Angel Locsin. kasi ano… magaling siyang umarte.
    God bless!

  13. Binabati kita sa istilo ng pagpapakilala sa 5 kababaihang bibihirang mapag-usapan sa Bibliya o mabanggit sa mga pulpito. Nakakatawag-pansin at nakaka-intriga. Sana lang ay hindi tumigil sa pagka-intriga ngunit mahikayat ang mga mambabasa na tingnan mismo ang teksto sa Bibliya at mag-imbestiga.

    Sa pag-imbestiga sa teksto, mailalagay sa konteksto ang bawat kababaihan at ang kanilang istorya bilang bahagi ng mas malawak na istorya ng Bibliya.

    Bagama’t mahalaga ang pagkilala at paghanga sa 5 babaeng napili mo, mahalagang itanong kung anong klaseng lipunan ang naglagay sa kanilang sa mga gipit na sitwasyon. Mahalaga ring itanong kung ano ang saysay nila sa ating kababaihan sa ngayon lalo na sa mga kalalakihang naglagay sa mga kababaihan sa gipit na sitwasyon.

    @Coy, maraming maraming salamat sa matiyaga mong pagbabasa at sa masusi mong pagkilatis sa aking panulat. Labis kong ikinatuwa na may nagcomment sa akin sa scholarly na pamamaraan. Coy, kung iyong mamarapatin ay may mahaba at maikli akong sagot sa tanong mo. Ang mahaba kong tugon ay ilalathala ko matapos ang isa pang maintrigang sanaysay tungkol sa mga babaeng walang pangalan sa Bagong Tipan. Dangan nga lamang at umihi ako ng dugo kagabi, at ayon sa pagsusuri ng mga manggagamot ay kinakailangan kong mamahinga muna sandali kaya abang-abangan mo na lamang. Ang maikli kong sagot sa iyo ay ito:
    kapatid, sang-ayon ako sa bawat naturan mo sapagkat iyan din ang aking opinyon, ayon na rin sa aking mga napag-aralan. Nasa istilo mismo ng aking pagsusulat nalalagay ang suliranin ng aking lathalain. Ang mga kasangkapan ng pop culture writing tulad ng sarcasm, deconstruction, suspension of disbelief, camp/kitsch exaggeration, indulgent subjectivity at kung anu-ano pa ay pinagsikapan kong gamitin ng maayos subalit sila’y sadyang napakahirap ibagay sa mga paksang tulad ng teolohiya at pag-aaral ng biblia. Batid ko ang bunton-bunton na kahinaan ng aking blog. Isa na nga diyan ang iyong naturan. Inaamin ko iyon. Kaya naman, inaanyayahan kita na punuan ang mga kakulangan ng aking mga lathalain at ipakita mo sana sa akin ang tamang paraan ng pagpukaw ng interes ng tao sa bibliya sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat ng sarili mong blog. Maipapangako ko sa iyo, ako ang magiging pinakasugid mo akong mambabasa. Muli, salamat at pagpalain ka nawa ng Diyos.

  14. Mukhang nag-umpisa na yong “nihil obstat” issues Bro Utoy? I like the way you lay out sketchily the underlying theoritical frameworks of your biblical countdowns. Much more, I admire your honesty over what appears to be an entertaining blog but actually, a personal struggle to weave contemporary ethos and Biblical settings. The attempt is quite a feat already for me, no matter how imperfect. Any creative writer could only “bleed” to blend both ancient culture and postmodernity. Kaya ka siguro first nagkatigdas then ngayon urinary problem.

    truth to tell, gusto ko na ngang magsulat ng mga articles in a traditional way. kaya lang, konti na nga lang ang readers ko, baka mabawasan pa! hehehe… this newbie will hang on to his style though…

  15. grabe

    every night at bedtime, my kids and i do bible stories. when we get to these parts (the ones you’ve mentioned) ulit, i will probably be staring into space and laughing out loud… and my children will think i’ve finally gone off the deep end.

    thanks to you. haha

    just don’t read to them my post. classified as corruption of the minds of minors yun. haha!

  16. […] Batibot Babe (ito at ito yun), mga kalokohang top five at top ten (halimbawa’y ito, ito, ito, ito at ito at marami pang iba), mga ratings (ito at ito ang examples nun).  Nagpopost ang mga […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: