My Top Five Coolest Nameless Chicks in the New Testament

I’m sick and much worried by something… Nonetheless, postings must go on! hehehe…

A local clothing store once carried this slogan , “Be Famous or Be Anonymous.”  This commercially driven pakulo spawned a roster of scrawny models whose claim to fame is their ability to look good on various state of undress.  Now, anonymity literally means namelessness.  If we’re to interpret the slogan, we can see that it hastily concluded that namelessness equates to obscurity.   Many personages in the bible would say otherwise.  The Boy with Five Loaves and Two Fish, The Centurion and his Sick Servant, the Rich Young Man, the Ten Lepers are but a few of the characters in the New Testament who, despite the lack of name, were popular witnesses to the goodness of our Main Man, Jesus.  Now for want of balance, since I gave you last week the OT (short for Old Testament) chicks, today I’m doing a bit on NT (take a guess what it stands for?) chicks who kicked butts despite the lack of names.   Pareng Matthew, Mark, Luke and John probably thought it prudent to leave out names to protect these women’s identity and Jesus’ too.  Now, purely for the purposes of identification, I labeled these ladies with fictitious Philippine showbiz names.   I’m throwing in the bible verses as well for easy reference.  and so… I present to you my top five coolest nameless chick (with new aliases) in the New Testament.

Beginning our list is Donita, the copper coin widow (Mk12:38ff and Lk 21:1ff).  Donita (not her real name) popularized the expressions, widow’s mite (a small gift gratuitously given by someone who can’t afford it) and two cents (worthless contribution) simply by walking up to the collection box and dropping there her two copper coins.  She neither spoke (which is a sensible thing to do) nor did she make a scene to attract attention.  Kuya Jesus was the one who saw her, and was the one who saw in her the purity and wholeheartedness of her generosity.  Now, Donita made it at the number five of our list to remind you, readers, that I’m saving up for a digicam and like Jesus, your widow’s mite, your two cents would go a long way in realizing this poor seminarian’s humble dream of… teka, teka, that’s not what I intend to say!  What I really mean is that she bagged the fifth place to remind you that Christian charity is, to the famous words of Mother Teresa, “Giving till it hurts.”

Next on our list is Maja, the bleeding woman  (Mt 9:18ff, Mk 5:21ff and Luke 8:40ff).   We know her story: Jesus was on his way to Raising the Dead Daughter Project in the uptown Galilee when Maja (not her real name), suffering menometrorrhagia (I just googled this up) and had sworn to herself to stop her perpetual PMS, thought it brilliant to touch Jesus’s cloak for healing.  So terrible was her condition that her mere touch has “drained” Jesus of his powers.  I guess even Jesus knew by then that menstruation woes, especially PMS, truely are forces to reckon with.  Maja’s faith, a bit naive but thoroughly whole-hearted, won her the admiration of JC and the fouth place in our count down.

On our number three spot is shared by two ladies, Shaina, a licensed chiropractor and an owner of a high-end spa in Bethany (Bethany Anointer Mk 14:3-9) and Angelica, an infamous masseuse from Bethany 24-Hour Massage Parlor (Weeping Prostitute Mt 26:6-13).  Shaina (not her real name) pampered Jesus by giving him her best aromatherapy treatment, plus a combo of facial accupressure and a professionally done Indian head massage.  On the other hand, Angelica (also not her real name.  does this begin to annoy you?), notorious for offering “extra service” to her patrons, showed her hospitality by giving Jesus a weepy version of a foot spa.  While both saw fit to use their hair as part of their service,  Shaina stylishly anointed the head of Jesus with Jerusalem’s version of Chanel No.5 while Angelica, not earning much with her chosen “trade,” improvised by scrubbed Jesus’ feet using her own tears.  Now, people, these women are cool not because they can relieve stress through their well-placed touches, but because of their understanding of Jesus.  While Angelica recognized the loving and forgiving God in Christ, Shaina wordlessly proclaimed Jesus as the Messiah, literally the Anointed One.  Hmmm… theology na ito…

Number two spot is taken by Katrina, the Samaritan woman (John 4:4ff).  Katrina (not her real, you know, name.) was (in)famous in her town, Sychar, for having five hubbies and recently, a newly acquired boylet.  Her embarassment was so great, she opted to visit the town’s number one watering hole, Jacob’s Well, during midday so as to avoid the village tsismosas.   Jesus, by some twist of fate, appeared at her favorite schedule of pag-iigib and what ensued is a classic dialogue on redemption and eternal life.   The cool factor with this Samaritan lass is that she symbolically had Jesus as her seventh husband!   How,  you see, the well, during those time, is like a singles bar where you hang out to meet potential spouses.  Moses, Jacob and Isaac met their wives by hanging out by the wellside.  Katrina, representing the all the unfaithful and disobedient people is wooed by the Son of God to be his Bride, his Beloved.  She, in the end, had the privilege of becoming the first spreader of the Good News when she went beside her embarrasing self and invited others to share her joy of finding Christ.  So there’s your Samaritan beauty, Katrina, our first runner-up!    

Our number one coolest nameless New Testament chick is… Iza, the Syrophoenician woman (Mk 7:25)!!!  Iza (not her real name pero malay ba natin?)  happens to have a little daughter who is reminiscent of Linda Blair’s character in the cult classic, the Exorcist.  Fed up with her daughter’s bedside levitations, projectile vomiting, and 360 degree headturns, Iza went to see Jesus, upon learning from local tsismosas that this Galilean wonderboy is on a nearby town.  So she stalked Jesus and managed to corner him and his groupies having snacks at someone’s house. Then, after a witty repartee where Jesus was short of calling her a bitch (well, he did compared her to a dog so there…), she went home to find her daughter healed.  The cool factor with this Syrophoenician mom is that she’s a seasoned debater.  While Jesus always wins his arguments at any given day, on that particular encounter with her, the indefatigable Iza had the  winning last word.  Her determination, faith and sense of tact makes her worthy of becoming the number one on our coundown.

Ex Cursus: Mga kapatid, please pray for me.  My urine last night had blood on it and it’s possible that I may have a kidney problem too, an ailment that claimed the lives of my mom, my sister and four of my uncles.  Thank you and be assured of my prayers for you too.  To Coy: my long reply to your thought-provoking comment on My Top Five Low Profile Chicks will be my next post so wait up.