My Top Five Coolest Nameless Chicks in the New Testament

I’m sick and much worried by something… Nonetheless, postings must go on! hehehe…

A local clothing store once carried this slogan , “Be Famous or Be Anonymous.”  This commercially driven pakulo spawned a roster of scrawny models whose claim to fame is their ability to look good on various state of undress.  Now, anonymity literally means namelessness.  If we’re to interpret the slogan, we can see that it hastily concluded that namelessness equates to obscurity.   Many personages in the bible would say otherwise.  The Boy with Five Loaves and Two Fish, The Centurion and his Sick Servant, the Rich Young Man, the Ten Lepers are but a few of the characters in the New Testament who, despite the lack of name, were popular witnesses to the goodness of our Main Man, Jesus.  Now for want of balance, since I gave you last week the OT (short for Old Testament) chicks, today I’m doing a bit on NT (take a guess what it stands for?) chicks who kicked butts despite the lack of names.   Pareng Matthew, Mark, Luke and John probably thought it prudent to leave out names to protect these women’s identity and Jesus’ too.  Now, purely for the purposes of identification, I labeled these ladies with fictitious Philippine showbiz names.   I’m throwing in the bible verses as well for easy reference.  and so… I present to you my top five coolest nameless chick (with new aliases) in the New Testament.

Beginning our list is Donita, the copper coin widow (Mk12:38ff and Lk 21:1ff).  Donita (not her real name) popularized the expressions, widow’s mite (a small gift gratuitously given by someone who can’t afford it) and two cents (worthless contribution) simply by walking up to the collection box and dropping there her two copper coins.  She neither spoke (which is a sensible thing to do) nor did she make a scene to attract attention.  Kuya Jesus was the one who saw her, and was the one who saw in her the purity and wholeheartedness of her generosity.  Now, Donita made it at the number five of our list to remind you, readers, that I’m saving up for a digicam and like Jesus, your widow’s mite, your two cents would go a long way in realizing this poor seminarian’s humble dream of… teka, teka, that’s not what I intend to say!  What I really mean is that she bagged the fifth place to remind you that Christian charity is, to the famous words of Mother Teresa, “Giving till it hurts.”

Next on our list is Maja, the bleeding woman  (Mt 9:18ff, Mk 5:21ff and Luke 8:40ff).   We know her story: Jesus was on his way to Raising the Dead Daughter Project in the uptown Galilee when Maja (not her real name), suffering menometrorrhagia (I just googled this up) and had sworn to herself to stop her perpetual PMS, thought it brilliant to touch Jesus’s cloak for healing.  So terrible was her condition that her mere touch has “drained” Jesus of his powers.  I guess even Jesus knew by then that menstruation woes, especially PMS, truely are forces to reckon with.  Maja’s faith, a bit naive but thoroughly whole-hearted, won her the admiration of JC and the fouth place in our count down.

On our number three spot is shared by two ladies, Shaina, a licensed chiropractor and an owner of a high-end spa in Bethany (Bethany Anointer Mk 14:3-9) and Angelica, an infamous masseuse from Bethany 24-Hour Massage Parlor (Weeping Prostitute Mt 26:6-13).  Shaina (not her real name) pampered Jesus by giving him her best aromatherapy treatment, plus a combo of facial accupressure and a professionally done Indian head massage.  On the other hand, Angelica (also not her real name.  does this begin to annoy you?), notorious for offering “extra service” to her patrons, showed her hospitality by giving Jesus a weepy version of a foot spa.  While both saw fit to use their hair as part of their service,  Shaina stylishly anointed the head of Jesus with Jerusalem’s version of Chanel No.5 while Angelica, not earning much with her chosen “trade,” improvised by scrubbed Jesus’ feet using her own tears.  Now, people, these women are cool not because they can relieve stress through their well-placed touches, but because of their understanding of Jesus.  While Angelica recognized the loving and forgiving God in Christ, Shaina wordlessly proclaimed Jesus as the Messiah, literally the Anointed One.  Hmmm… theology na ito…

Number two spot is taken by Katrina, the Samaritan woman (John 4:4ff).  Katrina (not her real, you know, name.) was (in)famous in her town, Sychar, for having five hubbies and recently, a newly acquired boylet.  Her embarassment was so great, she opted to visit the town’s number one watering hole, Jacob’s Well, during midday so as to avoid the village tsismosas.   Jesus, by some twist of fate, appeared at her favorite schedule of pag-iigib and what ensued is a classic dialogue on redemption and eternal life.   The cool factor with this Samaritan lass is that she symbolically had Jesus as her seventh husband!   How,  you see, the well, during those time, is like a singles bar where you hang out to meet potential spouses.  Moses, Jacob and Isaac met their wives by hanging out by the wellside.  Katrina, representing the all the unfaithful and disobedient people is wooed by the Son of God to be his Bride, his Beloved.  She, in the end, had the privilege of becoming the first spreader of the Good News when she went beside her embarrasing self and invited others to share her joy of finding Christ.  So there’s your Samaritan beauty, Katrina, our first runner-up!    

Our number one coolest nameless New Testament chick is… Iza, the Syrophoenician woman (Mk 7:25)!!!  Iza (not her real name pero malay ba natin?)  happens to have a little daughter who is reminiscent of Linda Blair’s character in the cult classic, the Exorcist.  Fed up with her daughter’s bedside levitations, projectile vomiting, and 360 degree headturns, Iza went to see Jesus, upon learning from local tsismosas that this Galilean wonderboy is on a nearby town.  So she stalked Jesus and managed to corner him and his groupies having snacks at someone’s house. Then, after a witty repartee where Jesus was short of calling her a bitch (well, he did compared her to a dog so there…), she went home to find her daughter healed.  The cool factor with this Syrophoenician mom is that she’s a seasoned debater.  While Jesus always wins his arguments at any given day, on that particular encounter with her, the indefatigable Iza had the  winning last word.  Her determination, faith and sense of tact makes her worthy of becoming the number one on our coundown.

Ex Cursus: Mga kapatid, please pray for me.  My urine last night had blood on it and it’s possible that I may have a kidney problem too, an ailment that claimed the lives of my mom, my sister and four of my uncles.  Thank you and be assured of my prayers for you too.  To Coy: my long reply to your thought-provoking comment on My Top Five Low Profile Chicks will be my next post so wait up.

18 Responses

  1. Utoy please go to the doctor asap. It’s very disturbing to have kidney problems. wag kumain ng masyado maalat ang always drink plenty of water. I should have commented on your top 5 nameless women but at the end of your post I read your Ex Cursus. I hope it’s not on the kidney. please press your flank area (tagiliran sa likod). If it hurts go to the doctor asap so that the cause may be eradicated immediately. Mahirap patagalin yan bro.

    syempre dahil sabi mo, punta agad ako sa doctor. hehehe… I hope, all will be fine.
    Praying so hard for you.

  2. “She neither spoke (which is a sensible thing to do)” – natawa ako. bakit? makikipagtsismisan pa ba on the way to the collection box? LOL! parang ako yan ah.

    pansin ko lang, brother, that you like angelic faces pero parang muntik na akong mahulog sa upuan ko nung maisama ang sexy star na si katrina. LOL!

    seriously, i’m sure you are not as hardheaded as any takot-sa-doctor kind of person so would you please have yourself checked up? it might be something but at least you will know what that something is and be addressed immediately. kung kelangan mo ng nurse, andito lang kami ni kuya bluep (nakikuya na ako) handang magbigay ng TLC. hehehe! we’ll be praying for you.

    kailangan ko ng nurse! gusto ko ng nurse, ngayon na! nurse, nurse, nurse!!! hehehe… thanks for cheering me up.

  3. @IFM – haha ako din natawa. nagulat ako at kasama si Ms. Halili sa kanyang list. hmmm kaw ha utoy umamin ka, pinagpapantasyahan mo rin si Katrina noh haha

    hindi naman. naalala ko lang yung scene nya with Marian sa Marimar kung saan nahulog sya sa swimming pool. pula ang soot nya nun at basang basa sya. kawawa naman…

  4. Love ko ang mga “massage therapists” mo, Bro!😆 Ibang klase ang treatment noong isa ha – may luha pa! Mala-Imelda Papin, if I may say so… hehehe😉

    Being a hypochondriac, na-bother tuloy ako sa huling bahagi ng blog mo (sabay kapa sa likod ko!)…will surely include your healing and complete recovery in our prayers. Pagaling ka!

    thanks for the prayers, pinky! made me feel better already. God bless!

  5. Bro Utoy, as usual nag-enjoy ako sa post mo. Kaso I got disturbed by your condition now. I really do hope you seek medical treatment as soon as possible. Maniwal ka kay Bluep, RN yan.

    Pinky and I will keep you in our prayers. We are looking forward to more countdowns… so magpagaling ka na🙂

    thanks, leap! sinamahan ako ng sister ko sa medical city. I’ll have another procedure bukas ng umaga. God bless!

  6. Oy Bro Utoy, hindi na mang-aagaw si Katrina ngayon unlike her role in Marimar. Siya na ngayon ang inaapi sa Magdusa Ka. I like your take on the well as the Biblical “Singles’s Bar” , then moved to the symbolic representation of God wooing the “unchurched”.Scholarly, aheem! I get mesmerized too by Iza’s mysterious beauty in Joaquin Bordado. A whisper of a healing wish for you…

    sabi nila, duling daw si iza. cute nga eh. as for Joaquin Bordado, parang rip-off yung character na yun sa isang villain sa movie ni Jennifer Garner na Electra. anyway, basta starring si Iza, panalo!

  7. wala bang marian rivera dyan?? hehe
    bro. utoy, pagaling po kayo=) magpacheck up na po kayo kaagad..
    i’m praying for you=)

    hahaha!!! marian ba? next time siguro. thanks for the prayers!

  8. ano pa ba ang masasabi ko, kundi: Bravo!!! gaya ng dati bumubungisngis na naman akong mag-isa (lalo na sa 3 & 2)… he he he.. pero hindi puro bungisngisan lang ha, with the way you present bro eh i appreciate bible more, not that i dont appreciate it before (medyo defensive), i do, pero ngayon medyo light yet it touched.

    pagaling bro., last 2 weeks ago ata ‘yon, i had the same kidney-infection stuff, wala nga lang dugo – konting “sand” lang daw… visit your urologist ASAP.. already included on my prayers.

    thanks for the prayers, MA. mukhang magwawakas na ang maliligayang araw natin sa piling ng maaalat at matatabang pagkain. hehehe… Go bless!

  9. i hope it’s not that serious, bro… pero tama pa din na magpa-chekap ka.

    on the bible women… hanep! i must have missed them the last time i read the good book…

    you inspired me to review😉

    salamat, parekoy, sa concern. ngapala, “tagayan ni pareng taroog” na ang nakalista sa bloglist ko. yan ay bilang pasasalamat kasi dahil sa post mo, nadagdagan ng traffic sa blog ko. hehehe… God bless!

  10. I am praying for you. Take care bro.

    thanks, libay! God bless!

  11. thanks, mga kapatid, for the prayers, advices and the kind words! dun pa lang, parang gagaling na agad ako.
    as advised by bluep, i went to the doctor agad. nagpa-ultrasound na ako at urinalysis. my kidneys are ok pero namamaga ang left ureter ko. baka raw may bumara na stone, o kaya nabaliko o kaya may aberrant blood vessel na nakisingit, pumulupot o umipit. kailangan daw malaman agad kasi baka malunod ang left kidney ko at mapagod naman ang right kidney ko. I’m sceduled for IVP (ewan ko kung ano yun) sa monday. but i feel alot better now. salamat ulit!
    as for katrina, di ko kasi maatim na gawin si KC na samaritan woman at magkaroon ng six husbands. di ako papayag. hindeehh!!!

  12. IVP is intravenous pyelogram… mga tao sa medical field gusto lang tayong pahirapan sa pagpronounce (hehehe!) pero ang ibig sabihin nyan pipiktyuran ang urinary tract mo to isolate or identify which area is causing you problem. they will inject dye through a vein in your arm and take series of xray pictures of your urinary tract. i hope it’s just nothing.

    as for katrina.. sige na nga pero napapatawa pa rin ako. ang pangit nga naman kung si KC maraming asawa. brother, alam ko na ang mga type mong girls. hihihihi!

    IFM, thanks! ganun pala yun. pikyuran? naku, sana may magandang kuha ako dun para i-upload ko sa friendster. hehehe… corny ni utoy. thanks for the info!

  13. bro utoy i hope it’s nothing. pero speaking of 2 cents worth, etong akin: huwag pagilin ang pag-ihi, at laging uminom ng tubig.

    yung stones kasi pwedeng maihi mo lang granted na marami kang fluids sa katawan.

    enwey,
    naenjoy ako sa entry na ito. first time ko dito sa site mo pero uulit pa ako. napaka-interesante ng bible stories na ganito ang pagkaka-present.

    allowed ba kayong magka-crush sa order ninyo? haha
    😉

    UM, allowed naman. at since sa seminaryo, we live in the spirit of mutual sharing, pati crush mo, dapat i-share mo rin.
    God bless at dalaw-dalaw lang!

  14. helo brother..pagaling k.. this blogosphere needs somoneone like u.🙂

    i keep the faith anyway, that our greatest healer will provide your need.🙂 just like what He tell so in all your stories.

    the blogosphere needs me? flattered naman ako kahit bola lang. hehehe… thanks for keeping the faith, kapatid. that alone makes me feel better already.

  15. bro. utoy,

    hahaha…love the post, as usual. i like iza too…ang lakas ng arrive di ba. and also donita, she’s one very fine lady..may substance. Now with Maja and Shaina, they’re just pretty faces …and yes, about KATRINA…hahahahha…a body to die for!!! anobeh, naging chika portal tuloy dito

    anyhu, agree with them, faith without work is dead di ba…you should go to the doctor ASAP…we hope and pray na it’s nothing serious..kagat lang ng langgam yan hahahhaha

    thanks for the linklove bro

    @chuvaness, you’re welcome!

  16. tol, sana matangal agad yung stone o kung ano man nakabara kasi magbabackflow ang ihi sa kidneys. pag nagkaganun, maiinfect ang kidney mo. Fresh buko juice lang katapat nyan. pagaling ka pre

    tol, that’s exactly what the doctor told me! thanks, kapatid.

  17. LOL…
    kuya utoy, pagaling po dahil marami ka pang aaliwin kuya jesus watching over…wink!

    thanks, kamotenista! hula ko, may blog ka, ayaw mo lang padalaw… God bless!

  18. […] Babe (ito at ito yun), mga kalokohang top five at top ten (halimbawa’y ito, ito, ito, ito at ito at marami pang iba), mga ratings (ito at ito ang examples nun).  Nagpopost ang mga […]

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