Brother Utoy’s New Monicker: Mamang Mataba

Ang “bad trip” pala, sa byahe talaga nangyayari.

Netu-neto lang, nasa MRT ako galing sa Cubao.  Andaming tao, siksikan. 

Syempre, dahil masikip, hanggang dun lang si Kuya Utoy nyo sa may bandang pintuan ng MRT.

Dumating ang tren sa Ortigas.  May magsyotang pumasok.  Nauna yung lalaki tapos sumunod yung babae.  Tumayo silang nakatalikod sa harapan ko at narinig ko ang usapan nila.

Si Lalaki:  Ba’t ba ang bagal mong pumasok?  Muntik na tayong maiwan.

Si Babae:  Kasi naman, nakaharang yung mamang mataba.

Ako:  (napalinga bigla at narealize na walang ibang hebigatin sa paligid namin.  Nyemas, ako pala ang tinutukoy nyang mamang mataba.)

Hayyss, kailangan ko na talagang magpapayat.  Dati ang stranger’s first description (SFD) sa akin eh si “Tisoy” o kaya eh si “Pogi” o si “Angelic Face.”  (Wag kang mag-react.  Basa ka lang.)  Ngayon eh mas nao-overpower na nag waistline ko ang aking taglay na kagwapuhan.  I’m now officially known as “Mamang Mataba.”

Bad trip.

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Kakatapos lang ng aming Formandi’s Big Day.  Ito yung araw kung saan nagsasama-sama ang mga seminarista ng aming orden sa ilang araw na pagbabasketball, volleyball at walang harbat na alaskahan at asaran tuwing cultural presentation at videoke nights.

Apat na grupo kami, each named after a saint.  Ang grupo ko eh Jean Marie Vianney.  Si John Marie Vianney ang sikat na Cure d’Ars at ang patron ng kaparian ng buong mundo.   For our cultural presentation, isinayaw ng mga kagrupo ko ang buhay ni St. John Vianney samantalang kinakanta ako ang eksenang kanilang iaakto.  60’s ang tema namin para madali ang choreo, tapos ang song ko eh in the tune of  “Round the Clock Tonight.”   We only had an hour to prepare.

Hayun, di kami nanalo.  Second lang kami.  Nanalo pa yung play na bastusan na nga ng santo ang dating, naputol pa sa gitna dahil nasira ang CD player namin.

Bad trip.

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Eto nga pala ang lyrics ng presentation namin na nipaghirapan ko ring sulatin during merienda.

Chord Pattern : DGDADG, tapos 60’s rock and roll ang beat, tune of “Round the Clock Tonight.”

The John Marie Vianney Rock

Chorus:
John Marie Vianney, sya ay huwaran…
John Marie Vianney, ng kabanalan…
John Marie Vianney, ating tularan,
Sya si John… Marie… Vianney lamang!

May isang bata s’ating kwentuhan,
John Marie Vianney ang kanyang ngalan.
Sya’y tapat, banal, maaasahan,
Mabait at maraming kaibigan,
Sya si John Marie Vianney kung di nyo pa alam…

Dahil nga sa tawag ng kabanalan
Na ang simbahan’y kanyang paglingkuran,
Buhay pari, kanyang naisipan
Kaya’t seminaryo’y nais pasukan,
Kaya si John Marie Vianney, naging seminarian…

(repeat chorus)

Sa seminaryo, kanyang natuklasan
Ang pag-aaral ay may kahirapan.
Muntik nang bumagsak sa Philosophy,
Sya’y nangamote sa Theology,
Ang pag-aaral ay kalbaryo nyang tunay…

Ngunit si John Vianney, ating kaybigan,
Di sumusuko sa ganyang laban,
Pag-aaral ay pinagsikapan,
Kahit kamo sya’y nahihirapan.
Sige lang ng sige kahit magbagsakan….

(repeat chorus)

Itong si John Vianney, sadyang madasalin,
Hiniling kay God, sya’y papasahin.
Araw-araw sya’y nagrorosaryo,
Nakaluhod ang tuhod na puro kalyo,
Dasal nya’y sanay wag syang pauwiin…

Dumating na nga ang oral exam,
Ang ating bida, pinagpawisan,
Nguni’t himala, sya’y pasang awa,
Si John Vianney, tuwang tuwa,
Pagka’t pwede na syang ordinahan…

(repeat chorus)

Nang maging pari ang ating santo,
Sa bayan ng Ars sya nadestino.
Ito’y bayang maliit at sobrang ilang,
Ang mga tao’y walang pakialam,
Ngunit kay John Vianney, ito’y di hadlang…

Pagpunta sa Ars, sya ay nawala,
Kaya’t nagtanong sa isang bata.
Tanong ng paslit: “Anong kapalit?”
“Basta bayan ng Ars aking nasapit,
Ituturo ko ang daan tungong langit…”

(repeat chorus)

Ang bayan ng Ars, may natuklasan:
Sya ay matinik sa kumpisalan!
Nagsisialis ang mga demonyo
Sa bagsik at bangis ng kanyang payo,
Tumalikod ang Ars sa buhay-kasalanan…

Ang bayan ng Ars ay dinadayo
Para mag-confess sa ating santo,
Mahihirap man o mayayaman,
May kapangyarihan o karaniwan,
Tumanyag si Vianney sa kanyang kabanalan…

(repeat chorus)

Dyan nagtatapos ang ating kwento
Tungkol sa isang cool na santo,
Si John Marie Vianney, Patron ng Pari,
Pagkat kabanalan kanyang pinili,
Nawa ang diwa nya sa ati’y manatili….

(Coda)
John… John… Marie Vianney!
John… John… Marie Vianney!
John… John… Marie Vianney!
Sya si John Marie Vianney kung di nyo pa alam!
Yeah!

* * * * *

Saka na lang ulit ng Stained Glass Windows.  God bless!

Utoy’s Pop Quiz Ek-Ek: What does your church wear reveal about you?

Nainspired ako sa success ng mga FaceBook quizzes (na madalas walang kwenta), syempre, gusto ko ring gumawa ng pareho (yung wala ring kwenta).  Gaya-gaya lang, pauso, ganun.  Ang napagdiskitahan kong topic ay ang ating usual Sunday wear, yung mga soot-soot natin kapag nagsisimba tayo, at kung anong sinasabi nito tungkol sa atin.  Bakit kamo yun ang napili kong tapic.  Kasi gusto ko at kasi blog ko ito.  Wag ka nang magulo, kumuha ka na ng bolpen at isulat sa palad nyo ang sagot(sayang ang papel, save the forest tayo).  Sige na’t multiple choice naman ito.  At syempre, true to FaceBook tradition, this quiz is “scarily accurate!”  Continue reading

SMY, Utoy, You Crepe! (Wholesome)

Sako guid kaayo si Toto Utoy subong, ti, dispensa kun waay guid sya tyimpo makadalan sa mga migo kag miga nya sa blogosphere… haw.

Arrrgghh…  anong ginagawa ko?  Ni hindi nga ako ilonggo.  (tama ba, IFM? my hiligaynon is rusty.) Wala na akong time mapagbloghop.  Ni wala nga akong nagagawa pa para sa anniversary ng blog ko.  Parang kailangan ko na yata ng guest blogger. Glesy d’Great, where are you? 

Ang kwaresma kasi ang next na pinakabusy na panahon sa buhay ng mga pari at seminarista.  Eh dito sa kabundukan, ok lang sana kung isang parokya ang hinahawakan namin.  44 parishes!  Yep, apatnapu’t apat na parokya ang hawak ng community namin dito.  Ganun kakonti ang mga paring nagsisilbi sa France.  Di tulad sa atin sa Pinas, tig-isang parokya ang pari, kung minsan, dalawa o tatlo pa sila sa isang simbahan lang.  Kaya naman dito, kahit ako na seminarista lang, pinagbe-bless na ng patay, pina-aattend ng meetings, pinag-aanimate ng mga ministries.

Speaking of animating ministries, isang araw eh naisipan kong surpresahin naman ang mga bata sa weekly Catechism class nila sa kabayanan.  I decided to cook some crêpes for them.  Continue reading

Isang Walang Kakwenta-kwentang Post na Hindi Dapat Pinag-aaksayahan ng Panahon ng Kahit na Sinuman

Nalalapit na ang paghuhukom sa blogroll ko.  Tatanggalin ko na ang mga tila yumao na’t di na muling magpaparamdam.  Gayunpaman, ako’y may iaalok na kaligtasan (you: may ganun?!!).  Ang sinomang magcomment sa post na ito ay mananatili sa blogroll ko, no questions asked.  So magcomment ka na kahit wala ka pang nababasa tutal, katulad nga ng sabi sa title, ito ay “Isang Walang Kakwenta-kwentang Post na Hindi Dapat Pag-aksayahan ng Panahon ng Kahit na Sinuman.”

* * * * *

ang totoo eh wala akong kahilig-hilig sa tag.  Gayunpaman, di ko mahindian ang alindog requests nina byutipul Heleyna at ni cutie Eloiski na patusin ang tag na ito na pinamagatang Ten Random Things About Me.   Ang gusto pa nga nila eh magpost ako ng candid picture ko dito (isa ring tag yun) pero I care for my readers.  Ayokong may masamang mangyari sa inyo kapag nakita nyo ng hitsura ko tulad ng bangungot, empatso, pasma o pagkawala ng ganang kumain (wag naman sanang mangyari sa akin ito, Lord!).   Kung di ka interesado sa kabagut-bagot na buhay ni Kuya Utoy  eh dumeretso ka na sa comment portion and assure yourself of a place in my blogroll, pero kung likas kang tsismosa eh stay around and read.  Mahaba ito so humanda ka.

Ten Random Things About Me…   Game. Continue reading

All-Saint: Purely Pictures

Ang totoo nyan eh gusto kong dumaldal tungkol sa: 

  • pangalawang pamumundok namin ni Brigitte, sa ngalan naman ngayon ng raspberry tart
  • ang aking pagkabano sa isnoh
  • ang recipe ko sa crepe (sosyal na pangalan ng lumpia wrapper)
  • ang bago kong karir as a kantoro
  • next ten questions na dapat di itanong sa seminarista

pero dahil abala ang Brother Utoy eh pagtiyagaan nyo na lang muna ang out-of-focus niyang litrato ng mga kahindikhindik na wax figures ng santo.  Tamang tamang pang-November 1!ü

St. Peter Julian Eymard

St. Peter Julian Eymard

St. Vincent de Paul

St. Vincent de Paul

St. Jean Marie Vianney

St. Jean Marie Vianney

Diba parang nakipaglamay ka na rin sa burol nila?

Eto pala ang tombstone dati ng founder ng congregation namin na nasa entrance lang ng local simenteryo.ü

At syempre ang stainglass windows of the days (kasi mawawala ako ng maraming araw) ay ito:

Honoring the Dead
Judgement
Ito ay mga stainglass windows sa Chapel for the Souls in Purgatory sa loob ng Basilica of St. Serin sa bayan ng Toulouse, sa katimugan ng France.  Kuha ko ito habang naghihintay ako sa pagdating ng tren papuntang Lourdes.  Ngayon eh alam nyo na kung saan galing ang header ko.  Diba, kahit nasa impyerno/purgatoryo na eh may breast exposure pa talaga?ü
God bless!

My Top Five Coolest Marian Titles from the Litany

(This countdown is purely self-indulgent and does not aim to explain any theology or dogma so cut me some slack here, ok?)

   

Welcome back to our Top Five Count Down!  Last March, I had a post on the top five coolest apostles, which, mercilessly, no one bothered to read.  Gayunpaman, that does not stop me from rating some aspects of our Church’s rich tradition according the degree of their coolness.  Inuulit ko, no heavy theology here.  Trip-trip lang, as usual. Hehehe… Having made that clear, let’s get on with our count down.  This week, we’re rating the titles of Mary in the Litany (you know, the ones said after the rosary).  Here they go…

     Seat of Wisdom  finds itself at number five!  This title, inspired by the many icons of Mary holding Jesus, the Holy Wisdom, figures strongly in the Eastern Church traditions, but that isn’t what this count down is all about.  Sedes Sapientiae made it to our top five precisely because it’s every Catholic teacher’s favorite opening prayer at each class.  I actually never knew the reason why, but, since my college days until I took up Theology, there is hardly a professor, whether a layperson, a nun or a priest, who would begin his lecture with an originally composed prayer.  While nuns favored classic prayers, like Morning Offering, Hail Mary and lines form a church hymn, the rest of the professors opted to mumble, after crossing themselves, “Mary, Seat of Wisdom,” to which the students will automatically reply, “pray for us.”  Whether the teacher simply finds the Hail Mary too long or this title especially encourages their students to rely more to the Blessed Mother rather than on kodigos, I’ll never know.

     Ark of the Covenant falls on number three!  This title has a strong biblical meaning, prefigured in the Book of Exodus and affirmed by the Gospels of Luke and Matthew, but again, must I repeat, that is hardly the reason why it’s the number four Marian title.  It’s there because this title evokes the timeless tale of a man who drank from the Cup, emerged from the tomb, and has saved the word from doom, the man resurrected for all of us, not by God but by George Lucas: Indiana Jones.  And, must I push forward, the title is also very Dan Brown-ish, with all that crap about Priory of Zion and the Holy Grail.  But it only made it to the third because really, after all this pop culture references, Catholics hardly refer to Mary as the Ark of the Covenant. Shame on us.

     Tower of Ivory is the fourth  on our five coolest titles.  I have no idea why this is a Marian title, aside probably to some vague references at the Song of Songs, describing the neck of a young woman.  I can’t surmise that Mary too has a neck that looked like an ivory tower, nor can I conclude that she’s longlegged (hence, a tower) or jaundice-skinned (hence, a yellowing ivory).   Ironically, an ivory tower is often a symbolic place for those who daydreams or who are arrogantly intellectual.  It can be suggested however that Mary, as tower of ivory, means, she is a stronghold made out of pure material (just like Ivory soap which is 100% pure soap). Teka, corny na…

     Morning Star made it to our number two spot.  What’s cool about this title is that Mary shares it with, of all people, Lucifer.  Imagine calling your mother the same monicker as your archnemesis.  But the title’s coolness does not stop there.  Morning Star, according to our gradeschool science, is the planet Venus.  Venus is named such because, at dawn, when all stars have vanished one by one, the Morning Star shines the brightest and is the last one to go. Same goes when evening comes where our Morning Star is the first one to appear.  Now that makes a good title for Mary because it describes her to be not only punctual but also the one who always works overtime.  In Latin, the title is Stella Matutina, which sounds like bomba star meets 80’s quintessential katulong.  And would you believe that it is also very Sharonian?  Venus as a planet is a bituing walang ningning.  Now, in your mind, sing that classic ditty as though it’s the Blessed Mother singing it.  Now doesn’t that give you goosebumps?  Now, imagine KC singing it. Hmmm… KC… <<goosebumps sabay tulo laway>>

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Hep, hep! Tama na ang pagpapantasya… Tapusin na natin ito.

The title which bags our number one spot is…Mystical Rose!  Now, quite a number of reason why Mystical Rose made it to the number one, and Donita Rose has nothing to do with it. So does the singer Mystica.  Rather, let’s see the serious merits of that cool Marian title.  Mystical Rose is translated in the Batangueño version of the litany as “Rosang Bulaklak na Di-Mapuspos ng Bait ng Tao ang Halaga.” Quite a mouthful, diba, but that’s besides the point. What is underlined here is the mystery of this title.  It recalls the epitaph of Rilke (“Oh Rose, pure contradiction…etc.”), the book of Umberto Eco (The Name of the Rose), that awful perfume old ladies wear (Tearose), that Edith Piaf movie (La Vie en Rose), etc…  Mystical Rose captures all that cannot be explained about Mary, all the qualities that we wish to imbue to the Blessed Virgin, all that is beyond us and yet, and yet haunts us still.  Naku, teka, sentihan na ito..

     Those who almost made it to our list are the following: Mother of God (already a Hall-of-Famer ), and Gate of Heaven (say “Pinto ng Langit” and tell me what comes first in your naughty mind).  Now, once again, I have a new reason to seek confession tomorrow.   Till next count down.

 

Mother Mary, pray for Utoy!

 

 

 

Top Five Coolest Apostles

Last Holy Thursday morning, I went to the distaff side of our congregation, our beloved sisters who were once contemplative nuns before Perfectae Caritatis was published and are now known as those cream-colored sisters from Zabarte. There, together with the two of my brothers, I gave a recollection to a dozen of prepubescent boys who will play apostles  that night (sige, sister, start them young…) at the Liturgy of the Washing of the Feet. That day, they picked out from a bowl the names of the apostles they represent. This is a touch pointless, I think because, as soon as they’re robed and bearded, it’s only Judas and Peter you’ll recognize. Judas, because he’s often made up like some villain in a bad Old Western flick, and Peter, because he has these ridiculously huge keys hanging on his belt, like some nightshift school janitor from antiquity. While there’s a minor ruckus about being the Judas in the bunch, most of them had not a slightest idea who these apostles were. So, I tried my best to explain how the apostles are actually cool dead guys who used hang around with Jesus in Galilee beach. I even surprised myself on how much I know of the gory details the apostles met their martyrdom. Anyway…

Enough of the intro. Here are the top five coolest Apostles whom Jesus shared lunch with.

Number 5 in our list is Apostle Andrew! Andrew exudes masculinity by acting laconic all through out the Gospel (very quiet, this dude), and even has the name to assert his macho image (I learned from my Greek class that Andreia, a common name for a woman, ironically means manhood). His manner of crucifixion on a saltire cross (that’s an X-shaped cross for you, heathen) evokes an image from another equally immortal saga of the battle between good and evil that has captivated the hearts of many men and women of all ages around the globe: the marquee of X-Men Trilogy. But, as the Eastern churches pointed out in their iconography, our number five guy has just too much guy-thing in him, he might as well be the Queer Five’s next project. His wild-haired, untidy and “wasted”-chic image just doesn’t work for some.

Apostle Matthew made it to the Number 4 of our countdown. This gentleman has a knack for story-telling and a passion for writing that a Gospel was attributed to him (which is a great talent to have, especially in keeping your date interested, and in stealthly avoiding the next round of gin bulag.) He has got a nickname, Levi, which is both Jewish and “expensive jeans”-sounding. The book he purportedly wrote is symbolized by a man with wings, which brings to mind Angel (of X-Men: The Last Stand fame, who is both awe-inspiring and irrelevant to the movie). But he’s down to #4 mainly because that stint as an Internal Revenues man isn’t really helping his image. But hey, at least, he gets to be number four in our list!

Apostle Thomas made it to a very respectable number three. The notoriety of our number three Apostle is recorded in the Scripture when he had the audacity to doubt Jesus’ resurrection. But what’s really cool is that he’s often depicted in paintings as poking into the torso wound of Jesus, a la Fear Factor style. Like, the temerity of this guy! Thomas is known by many name: the Believer (since he’s the first to address Jesus as “my God.”), the Scientist (because his a posteriori approach to truth is very positivist, or said so by my professor in Epistemology), Apostle to India… A little trivia here from JBC (seminary speak for that huge book about scripture which every theology student must have): his whole name is Thomas Didymus, both of which mean the Twin. Now, your dad won’t name you Twin Twin, would he? So that means, despite all these nicknames and stuffs, we actually do not know Thomas’s real name. Oh, well…

Next on our list is Apostle John. Esteemed with the honor of being the Last of the Witnesses, John is generally considered as Jesus’ best buddy. Born to Mr. and Mrs. Zebedee, our number two guy and his brother, James, are monickered Sons of Thunder (which sounded silly in tagalog: imagine responding to the label, Anak ng Kulog), as though they have Storm and Thor as their mom and dad. The Gospel of his namesake suggested in the subtlest manner that he gets to take care of Jesus’ mom (and our mom, too) not because he’s got superheroes for parents but mainly because it’s the sweetest thing our main man Jesus can do for his best friend, trusting his most loved girl to John’s care. Or was it John who needed the caring? Anyway… There’s a little something about this Apostle that nags the sensibilities of many, like being called the Beloved, having no beard, owning a crown of silky flowing hair and be mistaken, of all people, for Mary Magdalene. Was John just being metrosexual? And, come on now, what is that resting one’s head on the Lord’s chest all about? I don’t know but your sacrilegious guess is as just good as mine.

And now, for our number one spot, we’ve got… drumrolls, please… Apostle Peter! Now, people, this isn’t lutong macao. But just imagine who could be cooler than Peter? If that wrestler-turned-actor now preferred to be billed as Dwayne Johnson, Pete here relished being called The Rock. And that’s because he’s no Simple Simon at all aspect: he’s got a lovely wife (we know for a fact that middle-eastern women are generally astoundingly beautiful), a mother-in-law who cooks for the gang, a yacht, a fishing business, a retirement place along the beaches of Italy, the primacy among his fellow Apostles, and, of course, the famous keys to Heaven. And his bizarre ideas of joining Christ in walking on water, getting lunchmoney from fish bellies and, later in life, being crucified upsidedown are simply genius, a legitimate exercise of coolness. Our applause to Peter, the Apostle!

Other contenters who almost made it to our list but are still noteworthy were Apostle Paul (late entry) and Judas Escariot (disqualified). Now, excuse me, you all. I just really need to go to confession…